ALWAYS TRUST YOUR HEART’S SONG

COUPLE: Paul O'Donoghue and Kay Donnelly STAR SIGNS: Virgo and Leo STATUS: Became engaged last month! AGE: Both 47

1) How long were you single before you met your partner?

PAUL: I'd been single for just over four years when I met Kay.

KAY: I'd been single for seven and a half years.

2) When did you meet and how long have you been together?

PAUL: We met at a PSI weekend in Brisbane in April 2006.  I am very thankful to my sister-in-law who organised the weekend for her, my brother and me - and then unfortunately had to pull out herself at the last minute.

KAY: We met at a PSI Weekend in Brisbane.  We've been together for eighteen months and Paul asked me to marry him at a surprise riverside picnic on August 4th this year.

3) Describe how the two of you met?

PAUL: We were put in the same group – Lions – at PSI, and we chatted a few times over the weekend.  Nothing too serious, just the normal things. I mentioned to Kay that I'd had my gall bladder out and she promised to lend me a book by Louise Hay on the relationship between physical illnesses in various areas of the body and the state of mind.  Later that week we went on our first 'coffee date' – it lasted fourteen hours!  We just talked and talked, and I felt really connected to her.

KAY: We were put in the same group – Lions, which being a Leo I liked.  He was a nice man and we enjoyed each other’s company.

4) Did you have to step out of your comfort zone to make it happen (eg. asking him/her out, facing rejection or anything else)? Describe:   

PAUL: Luckily for me, no.  In fact it was Kay who asked *me* out, which was very flattering.

KAY: Did I ever!  Pete Conna was on at me – and a few other women at the PSI weekend - to get a date by the next weekend.  “Yeah, right Pete”, I said “Don’t you know it's the guys who ask the girls out?”  I'd loaned a book to Paul and – as fate would have it – at just that moment Paul came over to give me back the book.  I didn't ask him out right then - just asked him how he thought a guy would feel if a woman asked him out for a coffee.  He said “Are you kidding?  I think he'd be really flattered!”  So I asked him out and it went from there.

5) Was it sizzling love at first sight or slow burning?

PAUL: Well, when I first saw Kay I thought she was a hottie – but I was attending PSI for a different reason so I didn't really think of the weekend as a time to begin a relationship. Luckily for me, the extremely forthright Peter Conna saw to it that the subject of romance came up.  I vividly remember his stern injunction that we weren't allowed to bonk any member of the PSI group for at least three days after the course!  There was a lot of nervous laughter from the singles in the room.

KAY: I first noticed him when we were arriving for morning coffee.  I'd turned up late – everything that could go wrong that morning had gone wrong. As you do, I was looking around to see who else was there, and Paul was sitting with a guy talking.  I didn't take much notice of the other guy, but I thought Paul looked attractive.

6) What was it about him/her that attracted you initially?

PAUL: Kay's lovely blonde hair, her infectious smile and her bubbly laugh.

KAY: He was – and is – a very intelligent, kind and well-spoken man.  We talked for hours and hours on our first date, and time just flew by.

7) What is it about your partner that attracts you to him/her now?

PAUL: She is my mirror, my confidante, my beautiful and passionate best friend, and my reward from the Universe for listening to my heart, trusting my feelings and taking action.

KAY: He's incredibly supportive.  He's very brave taking on a mum with two young boys.   He's extremely knowledgeable and not afraid of hard work.  And his heart sings to mine.

8) Do you think your life is better now that you are in a relationship? If so how has it improved your life?

PAUL: It's infinitely better.  Caring for someone and wanting to share life with that person is profoundly rewarding.

KAY: My life is much better.  I have a partner, in the real sense of the word.  I feel totally loved and I have a companion to share experiences with.

9) What is difficult about being in a relationship?

PAUL: Being in a relationship requires work. Oh, it's very rewarding, but you can't coast or take your partner for granted.  Every day, at one time or another, I always just say a quick 'thank you' to the Universe that Kay's in my life and has chosen me.

KAY: Getting used to sharing decisions again.  Getting used to Paul's quirks – he's a Virgo and I'm a Leo.

10) What have you learnt about the opposite sex through your relationships?

PAUL: Men and women are complementary and do things differently.  The trick is to recognise that there's more than one way to think or act, that expectations are our own and not necessarily the way the world is, but open communication, respect and trust are critical.

KAY: I've learned that communication – not just talking, which comes easily to most women - but little actions, a look, and even silence - is the secret to men. 

11) What have you learnt about yourself through your relationship?

PAUL: I've learnt to open up to my creative side and trust my intuition.  I've learnt that these attributes aren't threats to my analytical self, just different aspects of the whole me.

KAY: That I'm a good woman, a great mum and a loving person.

12) Are women really from Venus and men from Mars? From your experience, what is the main difference between men and women?

PAUL: Most men use a lot more non-verbal communication than most women.  For a man the question, “What are you thinking,” may bring a feeling of terror – often we're not really thinking of anything; just being in the moment.  I know women often find this hard.  I found with Kay that she would discuss things with me and I would immediately jump into problem-solving mode, which frustrated her and confused me – after all, I was solving a problem and helping her, wasn't I? It took me a while to realise that in just talking to me about an issue she was working it through herself. In essence, for her a problem shared was a problem solved.

KAY:  I think there is as much variety across the two sexes independently as there is between them, but I'd have to say that most men talk less than most women, and that women are better at “situations” than most men.
 
13) What is the best piece of relationship advice you have learnt based on your own experience?

PAUL: Always, always, always trust what your heart is telling you.  And always, always, always communicate with your partner.  She, or he, is the most important person in your world – let them know that.

KAY: If in doubt, trust your heart – and always talk with your partner, not to them.

14) How important is sex in a relationship?

PAUL: It's a vital way of staying connected to your partner and demonstrating your love.  It's a fantastic release, beneficial to mental and physical health.

KAY: Sex is another level of communication, and a beautiful one too.  You don't have to be speaking to communicate – experiencing pleasure with your partner builds bonds and trust, which is vital to a secure relationship.

15) A friend recently told me that liking the same television shows is critical for a good relationship. What things do you think are important to look for in a new potential partner?  

PAUL: A soul connection.  Somewhere there's got to be a shared vibration – you both resonate to the same part of the Universe's song.  And they've got to smell right!

KAY: Openness, a sharing and supportive nature.  Someone who is his own man, not just a sheep.

16) Finish the following statement, “Love is…:

PAUL: … the core of a fulfilling and vital life.”

 KAY: … the song that can connect us all, made up of the music of our individual spirits.”